I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
