you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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