im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
