He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need a beard to bite.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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