i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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