Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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