I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
vagina is talking i cant
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
