Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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