I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
