im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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