After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
