just survived the first fart of the relationship.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
