The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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