if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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