I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize