garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
