i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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