Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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