I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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