I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think my fart just growled at me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
