Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
