And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize