dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this boner is exhausting
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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