She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Pants are for mortals
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
