Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
