i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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