That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
