Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
