amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
