I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
