If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I need to stop coming to work sober
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
