I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
