he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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