I think I am morally bankrupt
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
