i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
