I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
