Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
