We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You are the jesus of drinking
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
