We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
