she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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