Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
