Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
