i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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