just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sext me about skeletons
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
