Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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