my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
