Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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