Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
