Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
