I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
