i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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