My cat gives me a boner
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
