Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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