I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
