Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
