I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize