What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
