I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
