we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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