why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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