just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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