I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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