Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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