I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your penis caused this!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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