So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
