u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
