Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
