Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
