she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Who died my cat blue again?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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