we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
