Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
