I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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