you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
