Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm lost and stupid without you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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