Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
