Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize