I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Someone shit on the floor
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize