you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
