bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
