All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize