a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
