I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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