We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
