I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
