I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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