I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
