Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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